"Let the battle begin." I think to myself as I adjust my ass on the cushion.

"Breathe in for a count of 1, 2, 3...and exhale, 1, 2, 3..." The disembodied voice soothes at us. "Notice the muscles in your face. Notice your brow, your eyes, your jaw...and allow all tension to melt away...1, 2, 3..."

"Melt" I think. "Cheese" I think. "Chuck E. Cheese" I think. "Man, what a terrible job that would be, to have to sit in a sweaty rat suit all day while kids run around punching and kicking you in your sensitive rat-parts...".

"Darn it! Back to the goddamn breath...1, 2, 3"

My adversary has made his first move.