MegaFishbein is a collection of lessons, life-hacks, and lifestyle: A journey of a creative hell-bent on perfecting his process.
Pathologically curious and never satisfied with the "norms".
All in Tangents
In 2023, Ruby Thelot wrote an essay called How to Develop Taste. It’s good. The kind of essay that makes me jealous, makes me feel like I’ve been circling around an idea for years but someone else went ahead and nailed it down in clean type. He wrote about how to develop taste: touch things, listen, say yes, archive, love. And I kept nodding along, thinking, yes, yes, yes…
And also…damn, damn, damn.
Ruby wrote the instruction manual. What follows is my confession.
I got married last week in Puerto Rico. I also just got off a seven-day honeymoon cruise sailing around the Lesser Antilles.
But a week before all this, I was informed that my cush two-day per week position at a creative agency was being phased out. It was actually more like a heartfelt request to come back full-time, or else move on, which was equal parts flattering and frustrating. One thing it wasn’t was confusing. As soon as the ultimatum was thrown down, I knew my decision: I was outta there.
The hill sloped steeply down from the mountain. Sharp black crags faded to green as the meadow ate its way up the foothills. The story is the same as far as the eye can see – emerald valley marching into the blue-grey haze of atmosphere with its river spine snaking chasing the horizon.
This is Ireland, he says quietly to no one. This was a good idea.
I hacked the sucker.
I broke him wide open.
Put the screws to the mammajamma.
Or rather, removed the screws from the mammajamma, did some wigglin’ and a snippin’ and then screwed the screws back in the sucker.
Apologies for the abstraction. I am illustrating my morning battle with my Keurig coffee maker, and the resultant hack I was forced (nay, willingly embarked upon) to correct its character and insubordinate behavior.
But first, why was I battling with the caffeine machine?
There they were, gold-glittered and gay.
The bass thumped and the mass of dancers throbbed and pulsed along with the rhythm.
At the same time the whiz of a hundred coasting bicycle gears ripped through air behind me.
Today the mountain was alive with hedonism.
Mmmm, that’s a delicious dream.
So big! So YOU!
Can’t you just taste the juicy future?
Once achieved, this dream will forever mark that milestone in your life when you went from “meh” to MIGHTY!
Oh no, but it’s so far away...and there’s so many steps...and boy...the effort it’ll demand…
You know what, never mind. It’ll never happen…
"Let the battle begin." I think to myself as I adjust my ass on the cushion.
"Breathe in for a count of 1, 2, 3...and exhale, 1, 2, 3..." The disembodied voice soothes at us. "Notice the muscles in your face. Notice your brow, your eyes, your jaw...and allow all tension to melt away...1, 2, 3..."
"Melt" I think. "Cheese" I think. "Chuck E. Cheese" I think. "Man, what a terrible job that would be, to have to sit in a sweaty rat suit all day while kids run around punching and kicking you in your sensitive rat-parts...".
"Darn it! Back to the goddamn breath...1, 2, 3"
My adversary has made his first move.
Every once in awhile I am aware of reaching a milestone as it occurs rather than in hindsight. And during these happenstances, I tend to heavily reflect on my life and my evolution.
I realize that most often I write in a vague manner, even when telling personal anecdotes. Today I'll be a bit more specific. Today I celebrate 8 years off heroin.
It is no new truth that we are all easily caged by our belief systems. Our subconscious feeds us directives on a moment-to-moment basis and even the best of us find ourselves on the other end of a crisis with clear hindsight wondering "...what the fuck was I thinking?"
I happened across an article recently that shook me.
I've never fancied myself as someone who thinks inside the box or is easily influenced by mass appeal. Today I awoke to to realize I am indeed a conformist...through and through...
